What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 05:12
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She married twice! .
What is the gayest experience you have seen in prison?
My life is so biszare .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Did you ever accidentally have sex with your brother/sister in India?
We were not on the streets..
This is soul school!.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
☆ what's the thing that made u fell in love with your bias?
Why did i forgive my father ?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
So, i spoilt her more .
Why has my ex moved on so fast after years of being together with me?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why won't Canada build their own fighter jet?
Comes on , in middle age.
I think the readers, may guess!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
What a list actors/ actresses are notorious for being jerks in real life?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
A recipe to reverse cancer’s sweet tooth - Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Scientists stunned as underwater volcano unleashes over a million giant eggs - Glass Almanac
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why is money considered to be the root of all evil?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was 9 years of age.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Was to survive, this bastard.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So whats the point in blame.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But it wasn’t much.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Especially a lifetime of it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
It was going to be , some day.
She loved him until the end.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I will be 64.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We all went to grammer schools
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My family never makes their pension either.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Who then, do I blame.?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im still living with it.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I waited trembling.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Ive learnt so much.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But, we were locked up after school.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Put me off passion for life!!
I have no regrets .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And i lived it daily.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
When she asked me how she looked .
I write beautiful poetry .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She found it foreign!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He knew the spot.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was scared of men, in general
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was in good health!
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Would this be the day?
All the time i was locked up.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was very sick at this time too.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I never cut or harmed myself..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was seconnd youngest,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
What did i know ?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She wouldn,t have been !
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
(And it was in our own minds.)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I said to her
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I don,t even have a pension.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot live in the past .
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.